Archive for July, 2011

My kids are ministering to me!

Heart and Kidneys

After Evie's Renal Ultrasound - So Happy to get up!

Well, Evelyn was just perfect in Boston last week for her Echo Cardiogram (testing her heart) and her Renal Ultrasound (testing her kidneys).  What a patient little sweetie pie!  She had to lay still on her side for over 40 minutes for the Echo Cardiogram.  My sister came along with me for the long trip andit was great to be with her!  We brought wipes and disinfected each room they brought us to throughout the day – we were getting quite skilled at it :)   After meeting with the Cardiologist and talking with the Ultrasonographer for her Renal Ultrasound we received great news that whatever this deletion may be – it has not affected her heart or kidneys and both reports were perfect!  Praise the Lord! 

I had also, a few days prior, met with her Neurologist in Boston who confirmed that her latest EEG was perfect!  She said that we could consider weaning Evelyn off Vigabatrin in as little as 5 months from now… it’s exciting and scary all at the same time!  What do you know – trusting God is a daily choice and one we are presented with over and over and over again… it’s as hard and as easy as that! 

Evie has an eye exam coming up that requires sedation and a special type of contact that is placed on her eye to measure how much she can see (I believe they put leads on her head and can actually tell what activity is happening in her brain as she is presented images – some seriously amazing things!).  However, if Evelyn remains Neutropenic than this is an exposure to germs that I am not comfortable with at this time.  Her neurologist agreed that we could wait on this test depending on Evelyn’s neutrophil counts.

Boldness in Callen!
Last week had some emotional moments with the kids.  One afternoon Annabelle really wanted to use a gift certificate at the mall at build-a-bear, something we’ve been talking about doing for quite some time.  Unfortunately we already had some ‘necessary’ errands to run and I felt it was just too much exposure for Evelyn in one day and too much time away from home (we attempt to stay on her nap schedule to help her body stay on track).  Annabelle started crying, and crying, and crying… at first I was consoling because I understood that this situation is tough and hard to understand at times. As she cried Annabelle was asking why God couldn’t heal Evelyn right away.  This journey has been difficult for us all and we have all had to make some sacrifices in order to help Evelyn stay well.  I do believe consoling Annabelle was the right thing to do… for a time… however her crying began to spiral out of control and we were now in the territory of pity! 

Pity is such a freedom stealer!  When we are telling some one about our woe’s… When we explain how we had been wronged… When we gossip about how we are treated in our family…  When our eyes are so fixed on what we believe is so incredibly unfair…  What are we looking for??? PITY!  It traps us into a place where we feel bad for ourselves rather than praise God for all He does for us, for our freedom, for our lives, for the very air we breathe! 

So, in this, I realized that Annabelle was past the point of consoling and she was now, without really realizing what was going on, searching for pity.  She was frustratingly saying “Why is Evelyn still sick?  This is so boring?  Why can’t we do what I want to do?  This isn’t fair?  My life is boring?”  After a few moments of this I sat down with Annabelle and I firmly said “Annabelle Christine, you are letting your emotions get the best of you and you need to see this spiritual battle that is going on.  God would not want you to focus on all the things you believe are unfair.  He would want you to focus on His Truth f or you.   You are a blessing to this family, and in turn you are blessed to be a member of this family.  This family is a team and we all do our part to make this family work.  You do not have a boring life, you have a blessed life.  You have parent’s that love you, a brother and sister that adore you.  A Savior that loves you.  We laugh, we play, we go to the beach, we make memories.  You need to take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and pray that God would help you through these tough times – He can help you!”  We prayed and she seemed to have some peace about her situation.  I walked away for a few moments.  Upon returning her tears started all over again and this is where the Holy Spirit spoke through my son and it was amazing!!!

As Annabelle cried Callen stopped her and said ”Annabelle, you have to trust God.  It’s like when Mary and Martha wanted Jesus to heal Lazarus.  They wanted Jesus to heal him right away, they were sad that Jesus didn’t come right away.  But it was when God wanted it to happen that Jesus healed Lazarus - he had been in the grave four days Annabelle!”  Annabelle cried again and said “It’s not the same Callen, Evelyn isn’t dead!”  And Callen replied “It is the same Annabelle, you have to see that you have to be patient and wait for God to say it is time to heal Evie.  And when He does it will be so that everyone knows it was a miracle and people know Jesus, just like when Lazarus was healed, people believed in Jesus!”  At this point I had tears streaming down from my face – seeing my son begin to step out in all boldness and share the truth of Jesus was amazing!  He completely gets it!  The story about Lazarus is not just a story about how amazing Jesus is, it’s also about how it affects our lives today!  This story shows the Glory of the Lord and it teaches us how to wait upon the Lord, and what comes from waiting on Him!

Annabelle did not really respond very well to Callen’s claims, she was caught up in her own emotions and couldn’t see the truth presented right to her from the Lord who loves her.  How often are we looking for answers and because our emotions drive our lives we miss that they are right there in front of us!  I told Callen how proud I was of him that He allowed the Holy Spirit to speak through Him and minister to Annabelle and I.  He was gleaming, he said, “It was weird mom, I didn’t even remember the whole story and the people’s names when I was at church the other day, but all of the sudden I remembered it all!”  Was the Holy Spirit not speaking through Callen to impart truth in Annabelle’s life!  Praise the Lord that He loves us so much that He can use an 8 year old boy, willing to be obedient, to share His word!

And then…
A few days later Annabelle and I were looking at our strawberry plants.  She looked at me and said “I love God’s nature mama, like that strawberry, it’s God’s miracle.”  I said, “It sure is honey, that a little tiny seed would make a perfect strawberry!  If you really think about it, it is amazing that it all works out right and becomes a strawberry!”  She agreed and asked if we could pick it.  I showed her that though the front side of the strawberry was red, the back side was still green and we had to wait for it to ripen.  She looked up at me and said “Like what Callen was saying mama, we have to wait for God’s miracle, we have to be patient and wait for God’s time…”  I gave her the biggest squeeze and kiss!  I was so proud of her for receiving the truth that Callen shared with her!  Small strawberries – Big God!

Over the week on vacation with family we got the news from the state that the kids health insurance was not approved under the current plan that they have with NH Healthy Kids and that Evelyn had 10 days left of insurance.  I struggled with fear immediately.  I wanted to send out emails and phone calls for prayer.  Only I realized that I myself wasn’t turning to God, I wanted to turn to friends for what I would call ‘consoling’,  however this was probably more likely a search for pity for our scary situation…  I heard from the Lord as I confessed my lack of trust in Him and He told  me to bring this to Him, and so I did in prayer.  It was such a lesson to me.  In this journey with Evelyn it has been so easy to let my prayer life slip away feeling confident that the prayers of others have us ‘covered’…. this is such a lie from the enemy – Prayer is not about having our situations ‘covered’… how foolish of me… it’s about a relationship with Jesus!  It’s about having deep and intimate conversations with my Heavenly Father so that I can learn His voice and learn to listen for His leading, trust His voice and find His direction for my life…  I’m so grateful that He will use any situation to set my perspective straight!

With much prayer and many conversations with the State we are getting closer.  We do not have an answer yet and I have felt the leading of the Lord to now ask for prayer, that the timing of this was in His hands.  I trust Jesus!  How many times must He show Himself faithful for me to trust Him immediately!  I am told we will hear on Monday and I am patiently waiting upon the Lord. 

Evelyn had her blood drawn today, it has been a month since her last numbers.  At that time she was 100.  I have a confidence that has come over me today as we prepared for the blood draw.  I just keep feeling confident that her numbers are better… I also know that this confidence is peace that comes from the Lord when you trust Him.  We are in His perfect timing, within His perfect plan, and I will take each step placed before me, in obedience, as I wait for all to be revealed!

Blessing to you all,
Love Jill

John 11:1-44
Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead:

The Death of Lazarus
1 Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 It was that Mary who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. 3 Therefore the sisters sent to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.”
4 When Jesus heard that, He said, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was. 7 Then after this He said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.”
8 The disciples said to Him, “Rabbi, lately the Jews sought to stone You, and are You going there again?”
9 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. 10 But if one walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” 11 These things He said, and after that He said to them, “Our friend Lazarus sleeps, but I go that I may wake him up.”
12 Then His disciples said, “Lord, if he sleeps he will get well.” 13 However, Jesus spoke of his death, but they thought that He was speaking about taking rest in sleep.
14 Then Jesus said to them plainly, “Lazarus is dead. 15 And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, that you may believe. Nevertheless let us go to him.”
16 Then Thomas, who is called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with Him.”

I Am the Resurrection and the Life
17 So when Jesus came, He found that he had already been in the tomb four days. 18 Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles[a] away. 19 And many of the Jews had joined the women around Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother.
20 Now Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met Him, but Mary was sitting in the house. 21 Now Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.”
23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
24 Martha said to Him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. 26 And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?”
27 She said to Him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

Jesus and Death, the Last Enemy
28 And when she had said these things, she went her way and secretly called Mary her sister, saying, “The Teacher has come and is calling for you.” 29 As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly and came to Him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet come into the town, but was[b] in the place where Martha met Him. 31 Then the Jews who were with her in the house, and comforting her, when they saw that Mary rose up quickly and went out, followed her, saying, “She is going to the tomb to weep there.”[c]
32 Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.”
33 Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. 34 And He said, “Where have you laid him?”
They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.”
35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”
37 And some of them said, “Could not this Man, who opened the eyes of the blind, also have kept this man from dying?”

Lazarus Raised from the Dead
38 Then Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. 39 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.”
Martha, the sister of him who was dead, said to Him, “Lord, by this time there is a stench, for he has been dead four days.”
40 Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?” 41 Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying.[d] And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. 42 And I know that You always hear Me, but because of the people who are standing by I said this, that they may believe that You sent Me.” 43 Now when He had said these things, He cried with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth!” 44 Andhe who had died came out bound hand and foot with graveclothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Loose him, and let him go.”

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